Two Beers and a Bear

My final campfire of the season and the topic is, of course, bears. It has been a strange week and this was a great way to end the week and the season.

As I walk around the campground (“roving” in RangerSpeak), a family calls me over. They are crowded around their bear box (food storage).

“Ranger, there’s something in our bear box.”

Not so unusual; often food can be found in the food storage locker.

“… and we want you to remove it for us.”

Hmmm, now I’m beginning to wonder what it might be. I’m thinking… something dead. I squat down, eye level with the bear box. The family squats behind me. I look inside, and don’t see anything that might have been previously animate. In fact, it doesn’t look like there is anything that you wouldn’t expect to find in food storage. I bend down further and stretch my neck to look in the dark corners.

“There!” the woman says as if I’m an idiot, shooting a hand over my shoulder and wagging a finger near the front of the locker.

I see two cans of beer. Light beer. One opened and one still sealed.

“They’re not ours,” the man says helpfully.

“Can you remove them?” his wife asks. "We don't drink."

I had already guessed that.

I carefully remove the offending objects. I carry them back to the truck. A beer-toting ranger. A double-fisted, beer-toting, on-duty ranger. Offending objects safely removed.

I’m now behind schedule to get to the campfire. As I get into the truck, another camper approaches.

“Ranger, did you know that there is a singing bear in the campground?”

“I’ve heard rumors,” I reply.

I have heard rumors of the singing bear before for the past three or four seasons. Apparently a visitor enjoys dressing up in a bear costume and visiting other campsites, guitar in hand, to entertain fellow visitors.

This is the stuff legends are made of.

“Well, what would you do if the singing bear made an appearance at your campfire?” he asks innocently.

“I’m a professional,” I reply coolly, “I could handle it.”

“Just wondering” he says, walking away.

Now, running very late, I hurry to the campfire. As people arrive we play the usual bear trivia game (I call it the “Pre-campfire Game Show” for early arrivals). After I make the announcements, we sing a bear song. As I prepare to light the campfire, a seven foot, guitar-toting bear approaches unobserved from the rear of the audience.

“Let’s light the campfire,” I say. “Now, some people think a campfire will keep a bear away, but I don’t think so. In fact…” I say dramatically pointing to the furry arrival, “Look! Bear!”

The singing bear advances to the front of the campfire, strumming and singing.

Now, I hate to be upstaged, even by a singing bear. So I grab the bear skin I use as an exhibit, drape it over my shoulders and join the singing bear in the final verse of Bear Necessities.

These are the moments great memories are made of!